indescribable epiphany

i couldnt fall asleep last night. i stayed up till about 12am and went to bed but i just couldnt sleep. this time last year was different. painful and i really dont know how to express my feelings now cos my emotions were in a turmoil. my dad left this world last year early in the morning that day. and the memories kept flashing in my mind. i really miss my father. every single time i have an achievement i would be thinking what’s the point of all these now if my father wasnt here to see and share the joy together with me. i really love him. he is the best person best father ever who really really gives you everything to the best he can. he is the only person i know who gives unconditional love to esp his family, those around him. i truly respect him so much in every single way i could say he is my role model, the person that is teaching me how to carry on and be as successful as him in my life now. 

times passes really fast, but memories still last. pain fades but feelings still stay.

i know he is watching us from up there. i love you daddy. ❤ 🙂

 

i was feeling moody and down in the morning but in the day when my mother and i went out we had a good lunch walk around and bought some cute stuff which cheered me up and made me feel alot better (: i felt glad that my mum wasnt crying alot like before she was still feeling alright which made my heart feel more relieved. at least she has became stronger and also accept the truth. even though she might nag and scream and yell and shout and beat and smack and hit me, she is still my mother and i love her. she did so much for me and also my siblings i know that my father’s depart from our lives was not easy for her as well. 

today was overall a day that made me realise that in life we have to move on.

i love you daddy you will always be the best in my heart (:  xx

conflicted feelings

feeling so annoyed yet sad now. i went out with melissa yan wei and jun mei the other day to sentosa for luge and also watch catching fire. Apparently, my other friends cheryl andchan have been like talking about it to go play the luge one day but we never did it.

So that day when that other group of my friends ask me out (two are my future classmates which explain even further why i have to get closer and hang out more around with them), cheryl was feeling abit angry i guess 

she was like throwing a tantrum and i got so fucking pissed so i just texted her in a more strict manner and it started kinda awkward between us. She was asking me if i texted sijie that day and i ask her why and all she replied was “nvm” like what the fucking hell is your problem. 

Dont be such a petty bitch and plese grow up esp from being a caveman who despises all the popular things ppl wear or ppl say just bc you “think its too cool for you” lol

When i tried to sound nicer to her guess what she replied with a dot. yes a fricking “.” what the crap.

so my point now is she is my very close friend. she is someone i could actually confide and tell all my stories problems to. she is the only person i can sit for 4 hours straight and talk about all sorts of things without the conversation getting awkward. i love her so much that she means so much in my life

sighs but i just feel really annoyed and irritated by how ignorant and insensitive she can be sometimes. i guess all friends have flaws we have to look through their not so good side to find the beauty in their person. i hope things patch up soon. i am going to try being nice and friendly, compromise and give in bc thats the only way we will become great friends again.

blogging does help vent frustration hahaha thats all for today byeee(:

BACK TO BLOGGING

have been a little busy with personal stuff, CIPs and also going out w friends i kinda forgot all about blogging hahaha. 

the holidays are passing so goddamn quickly i dont feel like i have spent the time wisely. It felt like just yesterday when holidays started and i was still wondering how i was going to pass this hols bc there is absolutely not much to do at hooomee. BUT DAYUMMIT’S ALREAADY DECEMBER SOOON 

this november was generally fine i went out with cheryl twice; the first time we wanted to go anchorvale swimming complex but what the crap it wasnt open on mondays. we were so disappointed we spend 1h there complaining how the management sucks hahahhaha. we decided to eat at compass point @burger kings 🙂 after that we went to try on baby clothes which were so damn cute i swear. we tried them on and could suprisingly fit into it. ofc it was the biggest size there, like 14XL or sth HAHAHAH. we then went to hougang swimming complex which was so lamee compared to anchorvale but we didnt have a choice cos the other nice swimming place is at jurong which’s at the other side of singaporeeee

I went out w cherylene too hehehehe went to city plaza first which was abit wulu if you see from outside. kinda sad bc most of the clothes there were soo not our age. However, the upper floors had a few shops which were still reasonably nice. it was digging a needle in a haystack. THEN WE WENT TO STRICTLY PANCAKESS HELLYEAA #foodporn #foodgasm 

it was not bad like the chocolate was really good and the pancakes were fluffy and savoury but afterwhile the taste got abit boring yeaa but still it was good 😀

i went out with cheryl again. to anchorvale this time when it was open and we tried the slidesss wheeee after hesitating for quite awhile. We went on the “medium” level slides bc the high level were abit challenging hm. and the “no-lifeguards” (hahaha we came up with this name to call them bc they have no life) didnt let us into the children pool and slides. 

But it was really funn!!! Like the water splashing areas. like buckets of water just get thrown into your face hahaha we were so high and were pratically sreaming everywhere (technically it was me only hehehee) esp the slides lol

yeaa there were interact sessions,open house, staycations 

the holidays has been alright so far and i am thankful for that 

-be appreciative of what you have then only can you feel blessed- 

have a good day everyone 🙂

 

BANANAS

Hey there fellow yellow minions :))
today’s the second day of the start of my school holidaysss and i feel kindaaa bored at home. There is actually quite many stuff i wanna do but you know ,restrictions:( like classes such as hip hop, yoga etc. and idk if my mum would allow me to go. I wanna get an oven too pretty pleasee. All the glorious cakes and pastries i see everywhere is killing me and i wanna bake too:* so today i went to nex with my mum again( did that yst too) while she shop i went to the library and got a book which seemed interesting. I finished a book today which i borrowed yst, called veronica decides to die and its so deeep. I actually thought the story was abit strange too. Its about the girl going into a mental hospital and finding friends which were different from those in the outside world. She decides to spend time with a boy during her supposedly five days left of her life. Cos the truth was the doctor only told her that, for a psychological treatment to make her treasure life more. Its deep and inspiring. There is line i liked from the book which is “Visions of Paradise”

:)) thats about all today hope tmr will be a great day as well!(:

Last day of school awww

Today was the last day of school of my Secondary 2 year and i am gonna miss all my classmates so much 😦 Its a mix of feelings i guess leaving 2E3 after spending a memorable and fruitful 2 years with all of them. I have to say that most of my friends are amazing and play a GREAT part in my life 😀 They are the people who i spent time with everyday listening to me rant about my shitty life and all:) love you all so much ❤

but of course there would be bitchy asses you would want to stay away from too hahahaha cos they are just so bimbotic and ugh.

but generally, my class is more bonded compared to other classes in the cohort and i had a lot of fun with themmm:))

i met true friends in this class who i count onto and i will definitely keep in touch with them in secondary 3!! hope we will be as close as ever yay :* Just thinking about having to make new friends next year makes me feel tired. Socialising is such a chore i swear. I am secretly a really anit-social person but it is different when i am around with my friends, i go really wild and weird hahaha -winks- it will be the worst nightmare if i get into the same class as people i “like”. can you just imagine another 2 more years with them erhmagerdd. Oh yes, i dont even know what subject combi to take. this is real shit man gahhh. Its either triple science with lit elect,geog elect or chem physics with ______ idk >< i cant choose my humanities for nuts, i have no interest in humanities okay. well decisions decisions, life is hard 😦 probably decide after i ask my mother again.

THE BEST THING TODAY HEHEHEHE omg i got a polaroid with Ms Lee!! she was like “now?” and i said “yes!” omg so happyy she look so pretty in the photo and i look like a potato next to her. She is a really really nice teacher and i want her to stay in TK:(Apparently, she got transferred to MOE hq awww man. She has like a burning passion in teaching for both chem math, actually everything, it just motivates me to do better. feel really honoured to be the math rep for her this year hehehe (:

I got other polaroids with my friends too and they are soo pretty toooo think i used up at least 10+ films already no joke but its worth it oh yeah.

After school, cheryl jasmyn and me went to nabeela’s house to see her baby sister. SOOO CUTEEE i think she is really charming like got the cool attitude okay hahahaa. Nazeefa got close to us after awhile and she hifived me hahaha. then we went to nex and got my yoguruuuu:D 

Thats about it for today! a pretty long post i knowww:-) gonna miss all my 2E3 classmatess ❤

 

 

 

FIRST POST

omg hi i finally created a wordpress account and i am gonna use it pretty often i guess 🙂 It feels like my personal diary where i really blog about almost everything, whether happy and beautiful or sad and nostalgic moments in my life. To me it is like a memory record book which i want to keep forever so that in future if i ever want to #throwback the event i can just read it yay hahahaha yeap will try to be active here!

xiaoshyan xx